Independency

8/27/2009 1:58 PM

Went out yesterday again. Went to Bank of America to reset my PIN number and went to library since it didn’t open on Monday. I found The Three Musketeers that I had wanted to read ever since my sister checked it out from the library back home. I also found Flowers for Algernon, a excerpt of which I read in a literature textbook. Interested, I also picked that out. Since there were movies, I did not hesitate to help myself. I was looking for something entertaining and funny. And…definitely not a horror movie. (I was staying upstairs in the monastery by myself…brrrr.) I chose “Casanova” and the other one…forgot the name, something about the hosts of The Prairie Home Companion. Anyway, looked interesting. I was beginning looking forward to get back to the monastery...until the librarian said I needed a library card to check out. Okay. So I filled out the library card form…but I didn’t know what to write for the address. I can’t write the address in Iowa. What can my mom and dad do when they see that their daughter has an overdue book in a library 700 miles away from where they are? Getting angry is very likely. So not my home address. My dorm then? That makes more sense, but there’s one problem. I don’t know it! Geez, I thought to myself. Who doesn’t know their own address? Wow. And…I am not even sure of the monastery’s address. So I left the address blank.

When I handed the form to the librarian, she frowned. She said I needed an address and a proof of my address. I asked how do I do that? She said by a bill mailed to the address with my name on it. I mean, what if I just send a mail to myself with my name on it? Wouldn’t that still be proof of my residence? I did not say this. I looked at the two books and two dvds that will be crucial to my survival from boredom and hoped that, maybe, she would still let me borrow at least one of the items. The librarian holds the pile. “I will hold these for a few days until you get proof of your address.” I gravely watched her put the four items under the desk. She handed me the library card registration form that I so did not want. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even say I wouldn’t be able to get proof of my dormitory address for who knows how long. Does my bank even send my statements through mail? Gosh. I didn’t tell her not to bother holding those. I was so disappointed at another failure to possess some form of entertainment that I just walked out of the library without another word.

When I decided to go to the downtown library and maybe the internet café there (I know these places exist from the handy-dandy attraction map), I walked past a Blockbuster. I ignored it and walked across the street to where the bus stop was. As I am waiting for the bus, I looked at Blockbuster again. Movies…wait, MOVIES?! Oh no, I am not going to spend another day studying maps. I walked across the street again, this time with more determination. I walked in and asked to get a Blockbuster card. I smiled inwardly at my official adult-with-money-card status. The lady asked if I want to pick out some movies first.

15 minutes later, I came back to the counter with three rentals: “Mad Men” (a TV series which I heard was good), “I Love You, Man” (I need some comedy), and “Watchmen” (haven’t heard much about it but it’s very popular. Opinions about the movie seem to differ so I want to check it out for myself.) And finally…I got my Blockbuster card! AND I get to swipe my debit card in the little gray machine for the first time. Wow. I really am out in the world by myself now.  What a great feeling.

As I traveled by bus downtown on a bus...oh yeah, let me tell you a bit about the bus system. The Long Beach transit makes traveling to different parts of the city very convenient. It has about 20 to 30 different paths. The ones most people take that runs on the major streets and downtown, is The Passport, as it is called. There are Passport A, B, C, and D. The one I have taken were the A and D, as it travels from the monastery to either Southeast to Belmont Shore or Northwest to downtown Long Beach. Bus fare is $1.10 one-way. I love the bus system. So very very very convenient. I am grateful to have mass transit because I lived in Iowa, where the population is less and people use cars to get around. The majority of the land in Iowa is used for farming. So, to go anywhere, I have to learn to drive first, something I should have done over the summer vacation. But here in Long Beach, I can get anywhere by myself! I’m lovin’ it. Bahlahbahbahbah 

Well, I am still getting used to city life and riding the bus. At first I didn’t know how to let the driver know I need to get off. Then I saw red STOP buttons located on handrails and in different corners of the bus. Aha! Now I see. By then I thought I knew everything there is to know about bus riding. But no. As I left Belmont Shore for downtown, I stepped onto the first bus that came to a stop in front of me. As it turned out, it was the wrong route. I had to get off at a location about three blocks from the monastery…and not even close to Downtown. Luckily, there’s a bus stop right in front of the monastery, so I knew where to go. I probably wasted 40 minutes with a wrong bus ride with which time I could have spend doing shopping downtown!  

The heart of Long Beach city is windy, sunny, and soothing. There is Borders, of which I immediately zoomed to and bought The Three Musketeers. There are food and drinks stores everywhere and small restaurants and cafés, like in Belmont, are seen on every block. It’s as if the whole city is telling you “Relax, relax, have a sip of coffee and feel the ocean breeze.” I listened. A week in Long Beach, and I felt I am becoming a different person already. I wonder if people who live by the ocean are naturally friendlier and more laid-back. Everyone I’ve met, the passerby, the bus driver, a lady by the bus station, the bank clerk, the cashier…they are all so nice. I wonder if it is something about being near the sea and the sunny beach, or being closer to the other surface of Earth, that makes people connect more with their inner self and their community. I thought of this as I myself walked on the soft beach just near the monastery after I had finished my journey for the day. I stood by the shore and felt the tides rise and fall around my ankles, occasionally it reached my calves, and sometimes it did not reach my at all. I loves the feeling of sand slipping beneath my feet when the ocean pulls the tide back to draw another breath. I looked out to the open sea, the glittering sun in the water, and felt the cold water lick my toes. Coming to Long Beach for college was a good decision.

Four nuns, a college student, and no internet

8/25/2009 12:45 PM

Going off to college! Away from home, away from family, away from friends. Once more. I should have been used to this by now, traveling four times a year back and forth from the boarding school in Cali to Iowa and vice-versa. This time shouldn’t be any different, right? I thought it shouldn’t. After all, going to that boarding school and living in a dorm basically prepared me for this fateful day of my first step towards independency. In my mind I tried not to make a big deal out of it, despite a little voice in the back that wailed “you’re going away! you’re going away! you have no family with you now!” It’s true. I always had my sister by my side almost my entire life. She and I were never separated for more than one or two months. She even went with me to California. The moment I went on the plane and realized that there was nobody to talk to, to complain about the hot weather, or to predict what’s in store for us this school year. I was alone on a plane with strangers who could care less about where I’m going for college. I suddenly have an empty feeling in my stomach. I tried to keep my emotions at bay by looking out the window at the sea of clouds floating happily under the sun.

My mom had ordered the plane ticket early because she wasn’t sure when school starts. Now the problem is I’m arriving in Cali August 22nd, exactly week before my college dorm will let anyone in. Great. “Where will I live when I get there?” I asked my mom, quite frustrated because 1.) I have one less week to spend time at home and 2.) I have one less week to spend time on internet. My mom seemed indifferent at her incorrect scheduling. “There’s a monastery in Long Beach, right? You can live there for the week. I’ll call them to see if it’s okay.” Oh. My. Goodness. I’m still not done with monasteries yet? Not even after four years of living in one, doing community service every day, and attending daily evening ceremonies? Not to mention having a nun that constantly watched your every move. Apparently I am not.

There are four nuns in the Long Beach Monastery. The abbot (is there a female word of abbot?) of the temple is Dharma Master Heng Li. She is from Taiwan. The other much younger one is Dharma Master Jin Xian. These two Dharma Masters watch over me and runs the monastery. LBM is a bit different from CTTB in custom. Although they still do the Morning and Evening Ceremony at approximately the same time as the main branch (CTTB do Evening Ceremony at 6:30 whereas LBM do it at 6:00), the nuns do things differently because there are so little people.

A few rules were immediately made clear to me once I stepped through the door. 1.) take off shoes before going inside the monastery and 2.) after ringing the doorbell, wait a few moments and do not pull on the door handle (which I did :P). The nun that opened the door for us and made those rules clear was Jin Xian Shr.  

The few differences in LBM from CTTB are you need to wear slippers all the time as long as you’re on monastery grounds. I have three slippers that they temporarily let me borrow. I have one slipper for walking on wooden floor, which I wear to my room upstairs, and slippers for tiled floor. Another slipper is for when walking outside.

Since there are only four people, five including me, the dishes that needed to be washed are significantly fewer. Comparing the amount that needed to be washed in CTTB, this is a piece of cake I can eat all by myself. And by myself they let me washed. I washed all the dishes before and after lunch.

Since we always wear slippers, the floor is kept clean so they sweep or mop only once a week. Slippers can come in handy.

During the first two days, I was indescribably bored. The first thing I did the night I arrived was to check for internet connections. Nada. I sighed at the expected. For the whole morning and afternoon the next day, I typed up my blog in Word. Then I studied the maps of Long Beach, which I thanked my dad for buying it last time we came to Long Beach. One map is the one he bought, which is a road map you would use when you want to drive to a specific street. The other was a simpler, more attractive version of Long Beach filled with cartoons, bubble letters, colors, and points of attraction. It also conveniently marked the paths that different buses run. I liked this map better, but to check the accuracy of the kiddy map, I still need the other one. I spent a long time planning what I was going to buy for college and where I was going to go when I finally get out to shop. I stared at the attraction map greedily, wanting so much to be out in the sun and see the ocean that I can see out the window of my room. I also wanted to try out my new cellphone (hehe).

On Monday, two days after my stay, I went out for the first time by myself to explore the wonders of Long Beach. I followed the map (I must look a lot like a tourist to the passerby), and walked to the nearest shopping place, Belmont Shore, about four or five blocks away. Belmont Shore is great, full of many restaurants and cafés as well as small clothing stores, post office, banks, and a library at the end of the street. It is not fancy and certainly not boasting, but it is relaxing and casual, just like the people at Long Beach. I bought almost one-third the items on my list at Rite-Aid pharmacy, though pretty expensive. I also bought a pair of flip-flops for $2 at “The Beach”, a branch store of CSULB (Yeah! my school). I wanted to go to the library to get some books or movies to keep me entertained, and also to go online, but it is close on Monday! What store closes on Monday?  Oh man…another day with nothing to do but staring at the maps!

I then walked on foot in the Southeast direction towards the Marketplace, where I expected to do some shopping, according to the name. However, all that was there two restaurants, one whole-foods store, one Petco, and some private company buildings. Oh no…I thought. I desperately needed something to keep me occupied during my stay or I surely will go insane from being with my own thoughts all the time. Though as a Buddhist they tell us to contemplate and understand our thoughts through meditation, but I cannot do that for an entire day. I am not yet that cultivated. I needed a bookstore or something. Then, I spot those boxes that sell newspapers. I don’t read newspapers, although I heard they are good for improving vocabulary and being in touch with current events. Why not? I thought, and grabbed the last L.A. Times. I felt slightly better now at the prospect of having something to read.

The one and only----Developing Virtue Girls School

8/22/2009 7:44 PM 

Hey, sorry about not updating my blog. So much----sooooo much had went on since I last posted. I can’t believe I didn’t even write about being in CTTB!!! Man, talk about a landmark period in my life. Although I already graduated from Developing Virtue Girls School (the name that I won’t ever be able to forget), I just have to say something about that very…hmm, how to say it? UNIQUE school (and double underline that word.) It’s still not too late for me to fill in on my past, right? After all, memories are a part of who we are today, and it will be good for me to look back on such a significant time that completely changed me.

I started attending DVGS in my freshman year in high school along with my sister. DVGS is located inside a Buddhist monastery in the unheard city of Ukiah, about 200 miles north of San Francisco, a good two hours drive. It is a private boarding school and the student demographic is 99.9% Asian. Nah, probably not that high, but we only have six or seven student who does not have an Asian heritage, just counting from junior high to 12th grade that is. We have quite a few students from Taiwan (most international students in the school are Taiwanese), a few from Malaysia, Singapore, one from German, one from Belgium, one from Luxembourg, and this year, we have a girl from Korea. Everyone is very excited about that due to the popularity of the Korean pop-culture around the dorm. Really, just mentioning names like Big Bang, Super Junior, Girls Generation, Wonder Girls, and DBSK will make the dorm go crazy. The other half of the students are from the U.S. The domestic cats are all from California except my sister and I, who are from Iowa. LOL, just typing that out sounds extremely funny because Iowa is such a random place in the middle of nowhere. Right, this brings us back to the question I should have answered first: how on earth did you guys land in that school? Well, our parents are Buddhist and my mom was a disciple of Venerable Master Hua, the founder of the monastery and our school. Sorry. I bet to people who aren’t familiar with the Buddhist customs probably don’t know what I’m talking about, but if I start explaining that, I’ll go even more off topic than I already am. Just look it up online  The internet is your best friend.  

What makes this school so UNIQUE then? The fact that it’s inside a monastery and that the school curriculum incorporates the teachings of Confucius and the Venerable Master. The mission statement of our school is to teach students to become good citizens that help the society. They will also graduate with a clear sense of morality and use the virtues they learned (such as trustworthiness and filiality) in their everyday life. The tuition is about $10,000/year, probably the most inexpensive private school in U.S. Because of the lack of money, almost all of the school staffs are volunteers, and a good number of them, including our principle and vice-principle, are Buddhist nuns. This is the part I find intriguing.

If anyone had seen the movie “Doubt” starring Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour and Amy Adams, you probably noticed the trouble with mixing education with religion, especially with nuns running the school. You see, there are certain restrictions to the things a nun can do. There are also things that, although not restricted, are difficult for them to do because of their religious view. Lastly, because they are nuns, it is hard for them to find time to cultivate and also help run the school. Not to mention, the nuns also voluntarily opened themselves to listen to us teenagers’ emotional problems. As you can imagine, it can get pretty hectic sometimes. Nuns are not saints. They are still human, like any of us, but with more obligation and rules to follow. Like in “Doubt”, Sister James (Adams) find it difficult to scold the children and be mean. After all, a nun is supposed to be compassionate, following the example of Mother Mary. It is the same for our school. It is tough to be tough, to be strict and to yell at the students because they wouldn’t listen. The thing is, we the students forced them to act that way. Being composed of students of different background and personality and customs, on top of that the explosive moods of adolescents, there were bound to be problems. Lots and lots of problems. Drama. TV couldn’t even compare.

Now that I’m graduated, I felt relieved from the stress of the academic workload as well as the bickering and disagreements. Ever the harmonious one, I, during my time of stay in the dormitory, mostly kept to myself. I regret that deeply now. I had avoided talking and interacting with other people as much as possible because I was afraid of the rejection and the hurt that often came out of friendships. I realize now that there is bound to be sorrow and down times in any relationship, but there is so much more output of joy than sadness. I shouldn’t have avoided others just because I fear being disapproved or teased. I missed out in getting to know so many wonderful personalities in the dorm, each with their own story and own different view of the world. But I was too afraid. Afraid of both myself and others. Afraid that I might say or do something stupid or not be good enough for them. Afraid others will not like me. I was too selfish, too protective of myself to open my heart to others. I was not only blocking a vent to my emotions with nobody to talk my feelings to, I was also restricting my help to others by not letting them approach me. I could’ve helped them with their own problems, listen to them, laugh with them, help them with their homework, and exchange opinions and views.
 
As Sheryl Crow and Vince Gill says in the song “What you give away” “No matter what you make/All that you can take/Is what you give away.” So very very true. My mom recently put my long-buried, unspoken spoken problem into words: “You need to care about other people more.” I realized that I was self-centered all along. Even when I thought I was thinking for other people by letting them go first in line or by asking them how they are, I wanted attention.

As I started practicing the mindset of putting others before myself, I found I am less nervous around people because I am no longer focused on myself, how I look or how others think of me. I instead turn my attention to others and their needs. This method not only made me feel more relaxed and confident, I am also helping others out as well.

Best rule to self: Always think of what you can do for others. People will like you more because they know you care.